Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
