Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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