just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
