sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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