Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
