His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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