You can't special order awesome
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
