Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize