I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
