TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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