i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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