every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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