guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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