we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
