Kiss
Puke
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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