Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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