A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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