Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
