sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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