More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
