I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
