you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
