If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
