After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
