I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
