I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
