Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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