Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
