Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
