As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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