if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night