If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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