I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
