At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
