I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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