Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
