Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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