I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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