so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
