she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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