hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
