is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
