My sheets look like a crime scene.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
