she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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