Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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