I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
