Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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