At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
