im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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