you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
