How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
