I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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