All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
