My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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