you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
