I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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