you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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