WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
