good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.