What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.