Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
